Missing

Missing

Name: Jessica Fletcher
Age: Very old
Location: Lived at 698 Candelwood, Cabot Cove, Maine
Last seen: Delivering some baked goods to Sheriff Tupper.

Suspect

Name: Dr. Mark Sloan
Age: Also very old
Location: Community General
Last seen: BBC 1 2.35pm

Yes I turned over expecting to see good old Jessica solving yet another murder, (all I can say is Cabot Cove must have the highest murder rate of all time!) and find Dr. Mark Sloan in her place! Not that I have anything against him you know I just wanted to see Jessica. I think they should combine the two shows, so Mark and Jessica can sole some, twisted psychotic crime. Of course I would play a part in the new show as I thought of the idea! Oh stop moaning you can have a part as well, all I need you to do is fill these questionnaires.

Are you a serial killer?
www.quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=11344&first=yes

which serial killer (from the movies/novels) do you identify with?
www.quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=89473&first=yes

Name Change???

I have been thinking for sometime now that I should change the name of my blog. Well all of five minutes. This is what I was thinking, of course that might not happen. “Confessions Of You, Me And Us” Lets see what Zola has to say.

Zola: A good thing could be on the cards
Me: what do you mean???
Zola I only does one reading, now get lost!

So guys what do you think shall I change the name of my blog????? P.S you can also ask Zola for readings.

Happy 38th Birthday Kylie Minogue

Have I Seen You Before???

Lea Big Brother 7? Yes it’s Lolo Ferrari's twin. Lolo is not longer with us, although there is a rather sad story about Lolo’s life. And her death may not be all that straight forward.

I apologise to your retinas as they have been subjected to these vile pictures! It won’t happen again! No I can’t afford eye correction surgery for you, your just have to make do! Trust The Sun Newspaper to come up with this picture of Lea!

Sun, Sea and Sand

So we are rapidly approaching the end of May and June is only days away, where I hear you ask is the summer??? That’s what I would like to know! With Prophecy Girl away on a long weekend to LA and my Manager showing us his holiday snaps of St. Lucia and the luck of sun that we are having in England at the moment, I really feel the need to up sticks in search of some summer sun! So were could I go? Italy, Greece, Spain, the south of France, Portugal. So many places and not a lot of time as I fear I only have 7 days to spend in one of these sunny locations! I would really love to go visit New York again and spend some time with my family in Maryland and of course visit LA and take a peek at the Hollywood sign! But for now I will settle for this picture of Zakynthos.

Prime

The orangeness of Wednesday was hard to resist yet again as I went to the cinema with some friends this time to watch Prime staring Meryl Streep, Uma Thurman and Bryan Greenberg (one tree hill). All in all this was a pretty good film quite funny, Meryl Streep was brilliant, Thurman and Greenberg not that bad either. At just over an hour and 30 minutes I think it was a little long as parts of it felt a little slow! Having said that, I would watch it again! Well worth an orange Wednesday visit.

Murder, She Wrote

I was half way through watching Jessica on her trip to Australia and a murder had ready been committed, her lawyer in fact! If seems that some great, great, great, great relation of Jessica’s left her some land! All very exciting I know! Well there were some corporate people that were after the land and some sheep loving people. Just so happens Jessica came to Australia in the nick of time as she only had one day left to claim the land!

Well I had to answer a distress call from my friends and go and meet her forcing me to miss the ending (selfish or what!) So what I don’t know is did the corporate people end up with the land?? Did the sheep loving people end up with it?? Or did Jessica’s keep the land for her self and live happy ever after?? Who murdered the lawyer?? And will I ever stop wearing my new hoodie from FCUK???

I No Longer Feel Bad

Cast your minds back a few days when I said I felt bad, that feeling has long passed. After much deliberation my friend and I decided to buy a card and a little gift and go spend our 25% off in the body shop. So we went along and spent £30 between us and we don’t even shop there that often! Once in a blue moon maybe.

Don’t ask why, I brought 2 tubes of face protector with cocoa butter to soothe & moisturise at £7 a time. Mad I know! Well at lest I will have the softest skin this side of town! Maybe I’m just a sucker for money off, special offer deals! So the cosmic balance is restored and all is well until the next time I feel bad which I doubt will be any time soon.

I Need Help

Okay so this is about how retarded I am about computers! I want to add a picture to my profile. Not a really one of me of course as that might scare people! So I’ve tried to do it the way they say and I always get this message “Please correct the errors below” “Unsupported image type specified (must be JPEG or GIF)” Is a jpg the same as a Jpeg or is it just me! Oh well one of these days I will figure this out! This is the picture I want. Why can’t it be as easy as posting a picture? Okay so I’ll Chut up now.

Happy 73rd Birthday Joan Collins

Yum Yum

Crunchy Marshmallow Ice

The perfect snack when you’re feeling down. Mouth-watering ice cream made in the old-fashioned, full-cream way. This is not just any crunchy marshmallow ice. This marshmallow ice is made from the finest ingredients, freshly baked breadcrumbs with light muscovado sugar to give it that crunchy feeling. Double cream made by full fat cows grazed on the lushes green pastures. Organic egg whites taken from the best kept chickens in 5 stars hotels, mix with icing sugar to give it a little extra sweetness. Top off with finest pink and yellow marshmallows to add that extra special something! Enjoy. And yes it’s really nice I made some last night and have just stuffed my face!

Naughty, Naughty

Yes my Favourite the Queen of pop has yet again managed to upset some people! Can’t think why??? Something to do with headings like “Madonna crucifies herself in LA tour opener” During her latest world tour, the pop star donned a crown of thorns and suspended herself from a giant cross. This little stunt has upset none other than the Church of England. Shame on you Madge!

Madonna performed the ballad Live To Tell while suspended from a giant mirrored cross on the opening night. So what did the church has to say "Why would someone with so much talent seem to feel the need to promote herself by offending so many people?" Quite frankly I can’t see why they are so shocked?? It’s been a total secret and the fact that she’s offended the church before! Cast your minds back to 1990 when the Pope called for a boycott of the Blond Ambition tour, in which Madonna simulated masturbation during Like A Virgin. The Vatican also condemned the video for Like A Prayer because of burning crosses and depiction of a black Jesus. Personally this is my favourite song and the video is great!

Apparently Madge’s tour could rake in an impressive £111 ($200) million beating Cher who earned £107 ($192) million over 3 years with 273 shows. Madonna however is only going to perform around 57, lazzy cow!

Look away now if you think you might be offended! Oh too late, Je suis désolé! Its your own fault you should have stopped reading.

Walk The Line

This weeks DVD pick has to be “Walk The Line” staring the fabulous Reese Witherspoon who won an Oscar for her role as June Carter. And to think she was she instructed her lawyers to find a way as she feared she could not sing! Lucky she stuck at it otherwise she would not have that lovely Oscar on the mantel taking pride of place. Joaquin Phoenix also put in an excellent performance as Johnny Cash. This is well worth a watch as I only really went to see Reese in action and was surprised at how good that movie was!

The Beach Road

Has anyone read this book??? I’ve seen it adverstised on T.V. and it looks really good! And reading this text I stole from play.com it sounds as if it might be a good read. What do you guys think???

"This title starts with the rape of a young black girl: Nikki Robinson is cleaning the mansion on Beach Road owned by the Merrick family, when the owner's son assaults her. Then, three teenage boys are shot dead on the beach - one is Michael Merrick, and one of the black kids accused of the murders is Nikki's half-brother, Eli. Defending them isn't going to be easy. No witness to the murders can be found. The rich local community don't want any murky secrets revealed about life in the Hamptons. And Tom and Kate, the two lawyers working on the case, haven't exactly been on good terms since their affair broke up".

http://www.play.com/Books/Books/RTS/3-/928731/The_Beach_Road/Product.html

Harsh But True

This made me laugh hope it has the same effect on you! So I was at work and some how we got talking about what card you could send someone who is dieing! So she showed me this card. Enjoy!

Look at the lovely message written in side! Some people are really kind!

Now do you get the title Harsh But True! So cleaver. I’m sure your loved one will be touched!

I Feel Bad

My friend and I got invited to a gathering last Sunday which we failed to show our faces at! Well we almost made it! We were just the other side of the road and decided to turn around and go in the pub instead. Its not like we would have known any one, well each other and the lady that asked us who can never remember my friends name. Okay so that’s not really true she just gave her a new one! She also has no idea of my name either, were just the people that are always in the copy shop or coffee shop as most people seem to think when you tell them.

Okay the lady in question has been coming to our shop now for years and always has copies done and is known as “the Body Shop lady” that’s because I don’t know her name. She is really nice and has had a bad run over the years! She is the director of this company that is a franchise of The Body Shop hence the name “the Body Shop lady”

Guess who came in my shop today??? No you give up! I’ll give you the answer anyway, it was a shock for me when I turned around and saw “the Body Shop lady”

BSL: Hi
Me: Hi, how are you??
BSL Fine, Oh I like your hair! Do you do that you’re self??
Me: Yeah
BSL: So we had the party on Sunday! And none of you guys came!

Oscar winning performance coming up

Me: (confused look on my face) That was last Sunday??? I though it was this Sunday?? Oh I don’t know what day of the week it is half the time!
BSL: That’s okay, I’m always like that.
BSL: Do you shop at The Body Shop??
Me: (oh shit what do I say?) Yes something and I think Debbie does as well
BSL: Hear you can have this 25% off voucher
Me: Oh thanks, that’s really nice! We will have to come in this week!
BSL: You should, bye now
Me: Bye

OMG I feel really bad and she’s so nice! And to give me a 25% off voucher made me feel ten times worse! I’m such a mean person! Okay so it’s also to do with the fact that she is losing her shop because she forgot to write a letter to renew her agreement, due to the fact that she had Cancer around the time she should have done that, which really sucks!

By some miracle you read this, “Je suis désolé” “Mujhe maph kardo”

Back At Work

Yes I was forced back to work today as my holiday finally came to an end after 5 days of piece and relaxation. How nice it is to be greeted by a Bacardi guzzling, foul mouthed, 50 something, retarded female fellow employee first thing in the morning! Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate people in women in there 50’s just this one! Although I’m always being told hate is the wrong word, so I could come up with a few others but I will let that pass.

Me: Hi

Maggot: Hi, your back then!

Me: No you stupid cow I like nothing more than coming in on my day off work at 8:30 in the morning. Okay so I only thought that part!

Maggot: I can have a rest now your back then! (Not that you do any work anyway apart from moan and wish every day of the week was a Friday!)

Me: Forced fake smile

So they day was not that bad after all. It made me laugh when my friend told me Maggots quote of the day. This happen while speaking to a customer on the phone!
I pissed myself, that was not the only think that happened! Hopefully my friend will give a full report on her website!

“Is your computer P.C. compatible???”

Big Brother Is Back

So Big Brother grace’s our screens once more for a 13 week run this year. The longest ever, seeing 14 of our nations best seeking the riches Big Brother will bring once they are evicted! It would seem we just can’t get enough of it as a record number of people tuned in 8.1 million.

Is it me or have they all been let out on day release?? Perhaps only to be locked up again without meds!

So who’s battling out for the all important £100,000 prize??
http://www.channel4.com/bigbrother/

I Love Wednesdays

Orange Wednesdays! What a very cleaver idea, not only does it make us spend money at the cinema, it also increases the revenue of the Orange phone company. Yes it was Wednesday yesterday and yes I went to the cinema with my lovely friend who has an orange phone.

So the film of choice was the much hyped M:I:3. Staring the lovely Tom Cruise, the words “sick” and “bucket” spring to mind often when I hear the name Tom Cruise. However many people have told me this film was good! So I braved the gale forced winds and the torrential rain that the lovely British weather had to offer. I must admit, it was a pretty good film and even better when the tickets are 2 4 1.
http://www.orange.co.uk/entertainment/film/OrangeWednesdays.php

Rich Pickings

Okay so I’m clearly in the wrong job! I think I may take up public speaking. This way I can travel the world and get paid lots of money to do so! My first stop will be the American University of Dubai. It would seem that they pay large amount of money and let’s face it I have a lot to say! The going rate these days is £24,000 ($43,500). Well that’s what Cherie Blair got paid for a brief lecture to students in Dubai according to the daily mail. Which works out a cool £1,200 ($2,200) a minute. Clearly I’m in the wrong job! Only one problem, I’m terrified of public speaking. I would do anything to get out of that at uni, bribe the lectures, threaten to tell there deeps dark secrets or fake a heart attack! Any other ideas of what I may venture into that’s as well paid as this job??

MADONNA'S NEW LOOK

Only 5 days until Madonna’s confessions tour kicks off in Los Angeles! And I don’t have tickets, let along live in Hollywood. I will just have to wait for all the lasts gossip on the net! Anyone fancy a road trip! Maybe we can gate crash.

"Madonna has been friends with jean Paul Gaultier for some 18-years – he designed the famous cone bustier for her Blonde Ambition tour 16 years ago – so it is natural that she should turn to him to dress her for her forthcoming Confessions tour, which she has promised will "turn the world into one big dance floor" from Sunday. "She can wear anything," Gaultier told WWD. "She's quite obsessed with the quality of the fabrics." His Paris atelier has been working overtime to produce the costumes in time for the kick off concert in Los Angeles, with Madonna coming up with the initial creative spec and then leaving Gaultier to add his own stylistic magic to off-the-shoulder blouses, velvet cropped pants, flaring white trouser suits and sparkly pink jumpsuits made up of luxurious combinations of taffeta, duchess satin, Chantilly lace and silk chiffon. "It's her baby as a tour," goes on Galliano. "She's in total command, like the director of a movie." "(May 15 2006, AM) Dolly Jones http://www.vogue.co.uk/vogue_daily/story/story.asp?stid=35243&date=&sid=

Road Rage

Why is it that so many people in this Country have the desire to be ran over in the middle of the street??? Not that I would have done a lot of damage crashing into people with my bike! No I’ve not been drinking it’s passed mid day so I guess I could start! No less than five people stepped out in front of me this morning causing me to swerve out of the way almost crashing into a car. Not only that I was almost reversed into.

Another thing being a roadside worker with your gorges fluorescent coat thing, which I’m told is this season’s must have! Does not give you the right to play in the middle of the road with your mates pretending to do some work! Next time I’m not going swerve causing internal injures too myself, instead I will be drawn to the bight yellow clothing, like a moth drawn to light.

I can assume from this that there are a lot of unhappy people about today. Maybe Tuesday is the new Monday! Needless to say I made it home and can now continue my torture of the lovely people that stumble across my blog.

DVD OF THE WEEK

JARHEAD is out on DVD today, staring the hugely talented Jake Gyllenhaal one of my favourite actors I have to say. Based on an autobiographical account of the Gulf War and directed by Sam Mendes so it can’t be that bad! However I’ve not seen it as of yet, although a number of people have said it’s good, I must admit, I'm tempted to buy it!

If you’re not seen it, take a look at the Jake in any of the following films which I think are pretty good. Donnie Darko, The Good Girl, The Day After Tomorrow, Brokeback Mountain. Along with a number of other films he’s stared in.

Horoscope Horror

My starts according to Sally Bromptom from the Daily Mail You Magazine
www.sallybrompton.com

Leo 24 July-23 Ang
With the Sun, your ruler, close to clever Mercury, this is the time to look at where you are professionally, and think about where you would like to be a year from now. Unless you have a specific goal, you are liable to remain where you are indefinitely – which is fine if that is what you want. But if you think you could do better, you must start planning now.

Where you are professionally??? Going no where fast!

Where would you like to be in a year??? In a hot tropical paradise drinking champagne on white sandy beaches with clear blue skies and crystal clear waters. Or a Hollywood star! Both maybe!

Do you have a specific goal??? Well sort of! Now this is a big one. Because I’m 100% sure I don’t want to remain in my current job indefinitely.

Could you do better??? In my opinion yes I could. You can always improve on what you’re doing. You might just need to look at it from a different angle.

So I guess this means I need to start planning my future right now! I mean how long before I’m doomed to say in my current job for life! Days, week’s, months???? Or until next Sunday when Sally writes another horoscope?? I better start thinking about my next career more. That can wait at least 20 minutes as neighbours is about to start!

HELLO MY BELOVED FANS

Okay so I’m new in the world of blog and just want to start off by apologise for the not so stylish blog. I can send e-mails and surf the net, as yet I have not mastered the art of making a blog! Also I’m well aware that my spelling and grammar are a little on the shaky side. Feel free to correct me at any time! Damn, I bet I screwed up already!"

So here’s the thing, I have no idea what to do with my life. I’m done with uni and working in the beloved retail industry of which I did not study for. What’s a guy to do?? Well now that I have a few days off work and get really board, I thought I would start a blog so I could have a general rant about things.

Right now my main ambition in life is to marry a rich old lady! Ideally I would pick Madonna, although she’s not that old at 47. Others on the list are: Joan Collins Lauren Bacall, Jane Fonda, and Joanna Lumley, there are also other that I can’ think of right now. One problem some of these lovely ladies are still married!